DS: Musical, Act 1, Scene 1

Dr. Strangelove: The Musical

Based on the 1964 movie by Stanley Kubrick, as well as Peter Bryant's novel "Red Alert"

THE CAST OF CHARACTERS

~ The Crew At Burpleson Air Force Base ~
GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER
GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL C. MANDRAKE
COLONEL BAT GUANO
A Burpleson PETTY OFFICER

~ The War Room Cast ~
PRESIDENT MERKIN MUFFLEY
GENERAL BUCK TURGIDSON
DR. BRAUN STRANGELOVE
GENERAL FRANK FACEMAN
GENERAL SAM STAINS
A group of 15 JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF
The RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR (Alexei DeSadeski)
An ASSISTANT

~ The Bomb-Runners ~
MAJOR "KING" KONG
CO-PILOT ACE OWENS
LIEUTENANT LOTHAR ZOGG
NAVIGATOR GOLDIE

~ Other Characters ~
MISS ELAINE SCOTT
RACHEL MUFFLEY
EDGAR MUFFLEY
MARY STRANGELOVE
LISA MANDRAKE
Several groups of WIVES & BABIES

---

ACT 1

(Theater lights dim.  "Overture" plays, then stage curtains rise to reveal the setting of the first scene...)

Scene 1:
Instructions From General Ripper

(SCENE OPENS: The computer room / communications office at Burpleson Air Force Base [taking up the left half of the stage], with part of General Ripper's office seen on the right half of the stage; both rooms are divided by a single wall, making it look like a "split-screen" shot in a movie.)

(In his personal office, GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER is sitting at his desk, clutching a smoldering cigar between his teeth & holding a red telephone to his ear.  In the communications area, old-timey computers can be seen all over the place, with men in army uniform attending to them.  GROUP CAPTAIN LIONEL MANDRAKE sits at his office desk, looking through some papers on a clipboard.  A PETTY OFFICER enters on stage-left & walks over to Mandrake, clutching a telephone in his hand.)

PETTY OFFICER (as he walks onstage):
Group Captain Mandrake, phone for you!

MANDRAKE (turning in his chair to face the petty officer):
Oh, well, who could it be?

PETTY OFFICER (offering the phone to Mandrake):
It's General Ripper.  Wants to have a private word.

MANDRAKE (as he takes the phone into his hands):
Thank you, sir.  Much appreciated.

(The petty officer smiles & salutes, before clicking his heels as he turns & walks away on stage-left.  Mandrake smiles & swivels in his chair to face his desk, putting his phone to his ear.)

MANDRAKE (smiling as he speaks into the phone):
Burpleson Air Force Base, Communications Office.  This is Group Captain Lionel Mandrake speaking.

RIPPER (speaking to Mandrake through his phone):
Group Captain Mandrake, this is General Ripper.

MANDRAKE (smiling as he greets him):
Ah, hello, General Ripper.  How's everything going--

RIPPER (cutting him off):
Mandrake, do you recognize my voice?

(Beat.)

MANDRAKE (puzzled by the question, but also slightly-amused):
Well, I don't know, sir...We just spoke a few minutes ago on the phone, didn't we?

RIPPER (sternly):
Mandrake, you don't think I would ask if you recognized my voice unless it was pretty darned important...do you?

MANDRAKE (hesitantly):
I...I'm not really sure, sir.  I-I guess so.

RIPPER:
Now, listen carefully, Mandrake.  Listen carefully to every word I'm about to tell you.

(Mandrake nods his head, waiting for his orders.)

CUE SONG: "Red Alert (Opening Number)"

(Spoken intro)

RIPPER:
I didn't wanna have to tell you this, Mandrake, but you're a good officer, & you've got a right to know.

MANDRAKE:
Know what?

RIPPER:
Mandrake...it looks like we're in a shooting war!

MANDRAKE (astonished at the news):
A shooting war?

RIPPER:
A shooting war!

MANDRAKE:
Oh, heck!  Oh, dear!
Oh, no!
Oh, nuts!

RIPPER:
Please shush!

(Mandrake stops talking & listens for Ripper to continue.  Actual SINGING begins at this point.)

RIPPER (singing):
Now, listen carefully, Mandrake,
And wait until I finish,
Before you start a-blathering
About all sorts of gibberish!

This is no time for silly games,
No time to fool around!
We've got to warn the base
About the danger lurking 'round!

Flash this to all the sections
Upon our air force base:
We're being put on red alert!
Sound the alarm post-haste!

MANDRAKE (delighted with Ripper's orders, unaware of their true meaning):
On red alert? Condition red?
Oh, jolly good suggestion!
A perfect form of exercise
To keep the men upon their toes, &...

RIPPER:
Mandrake, I'm afraid that this
Is not a drill or practice!
This time, we're doing it for real!
The plain & simple fact is...

We've been dealt with a sneak attack,
So get the troops in line!
Prepare all fleets for take-off,
'Cause it's warhead-droppin' time!

MANDRAKE:
But, sir, who sneak-attacked us?
Are the Russian troops to blame?

RIPPER:
I wish that I could tell you,
But I wasn't given names

Just put the base on red alert,
And all things will be fine,
But if you don't obey my orders,
Your tail is gonna be mine!

MANDRAKE (spoken, nodding his head):
Yes, sir.

RIPPER (singing):
Now, Mandrake, in addition to
The orders you've been given,
There's several more I wish to make,
So kindly pay attention

I want you to ensure
That Burpleson's kept totally safe!
Instruct the base security troops
To really guard the place!

This base is to be sealed up tight,
As tightly as a drum!
No troops will be allowed to leave,
Nor outside troops to come

'Cause while we are on red alert,
We can't take any chances!
We must be really careful
To ward off foreign advances

And furthermore, I want all phone lines
To be disconnected

MANDRAKE:
But, sir--

RIPPER:
Don't give me any lip, Mandrake!
Do as you've been directed!

MANDRAKE (nodding his head):
Yes, sir.

RIPPER:
All orders are to come from me,
And no one else, you hear?
No one shall act without my say-so!
Just wanna make that clear

MANDRAKE:
But, sir, why must you make that order?
It seems quite harsh to me

RIPPER:
Well, that's because I can be imitated
Vocally, you see?

MANDRAKE:
But, sir, if you say we're on red alert,
And all of this is true,
How can I really know for certain
That I'm talking to, well, you?

RIPPER:
Are you trying to be insubordinate?
You playin' games with me?

MANDRAKE:
Oh, no!
I just want to ensure that, well,
The two of us agree

That you know just what you are doing
With these orders & these plans

RIPPER (smiling a bit):
That's good!
I'm proud of you, Group Captain! (turns serious again)
Now, here's my last few commands...

Tell all the crews on every plane
To switch to Wing Attack, Plan R!
That's R for Robert, Mandrake,
R like at the end of "star"!

MANDRAKE (nodding his head):
Of course!

RIPPER:
And since we are on red alert,
There's one last thing to do,
One final, little-bitty favor
That I'd like to ask of you

MANDRAKE:
Which is?

RIPPER:
All radios upon this base
Are to be confiscated
And brought to Air Police
After the rooms have all been raided!

Because if someone gets ahold
Of just one radio, they could
Be used to instruct saboteurs,
And, Mandrake, that ain't good!

MANDRAKE (scribbling down his orders on a notepad with a pen):
OK, so, Wing Attack, Plan R,
No radios or telephones...
All orders are to come from you,
And only you alone?

RIPPER (nodding his head):
That's right, because we are on red alert,
And we just can't afford
To make mistakes of any kind!
To do a thing like that
Would...be...absurd!

(Song ends.)

RIPPER:
And after you've issued all the orders to the base personnel & the bomb squads, report back to me.

MANDRAKE (nodding his head):
Yes, sir. (puts down his notepad & pen on his desk) Understood, sir.

(Ripper hangs up.  We then segue into the next scene...)