SW: Pair Of Palpatine Parodies

Pair Of Palpatine Parodies

#1: "The Galaxy's Greatest Sith Lord" (parody of the read-along version of "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind")

(Singing begins)

PALPATINE:
From the brain that brought you the Clone Wars Caper,
The handsome head plastered on every newspaper
For scampering up & tampering with
And hampering life, & becoming a myth

Now comes the real tour de Force,
Tricky & wicked, of course!
My earlier crimes were fine for their times,
But now that I'm at it again,
An even-grimmer plot has been simmering
In my great criminal brain!

CHORUS OF STORMTROOPERS, IMPERIAL OFFICERS, & LESSER SITH LORDS:
Even meaner?
You mean it?
Worse than the Gungans & younglings you drowned?
You're the best of the worst around!
Oh, Palpatine,
Oh, Palpatine,
You excel beyond words!
To Palpatine,
To Palpatine,
The galaxy's greatest Sith lord!

PALPATINE:
When these dark & devilish urges guide me,
This cruel & unusual gift that's inside me
Does wondrous things like the Jedi Purge Job,
That cunning display that made Republicans sob

Picking them off one by one,
Picking them off just for fun!
Such a pleasant "trip", my view from the ship,
As all of their corpses stank,
But, now, this matchless plotter's been hatching
Some much more unnatural prank!

CHORUS OF STORMTROOPERS, IMPERIAL OFFICERS, & LESSER SITH LORDS:
Even louder,
We'll shout it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do!
You're more evil than even you!
Oh, Palpatine,
Oh, Palpatine,
You just leave us floored!
To Palpatine,
To Palpatine,
The galaxy's greatest Sith lord!

PALPATINE:
(laughs evilly) Thank you, thank you!

---

#2: "Palpatine" (parody of "Ruber")

PALPATINE:
Let's go back to war & violence,
I'm so bored with peace &...SILENCE!!!
Nights of evil, filled with fear!
Your worst dream, that's my idea of fun!

Let darkness find its sad ways
Let's go back to good old bad days!
No more foolish acts of kindness
All the entire galaxy will be mine!

Years from now, no one urban or rustic
Will recall your old Republic,
Because all of this will be mine!
This will all be mine!

I have a plan!  It includes you...
You, Luke Skywalker, will lead me to Endor,
Where I will claim all this as mine!
At the back of your starfleet, my men will all hide
You'll sit up front to watch all your friends die!
Now, watch me demonstrate the Death Star 2's power...with pride!

With this laser designed by top scientists,
A push of this button,
And watch as it fires up into a weapon that I can use at will!
Now, this battle station can kill!
Ta-da! Behold...Mon Calamari a la king!

Step up, & take your lightsaber quickly!
I am unarmed, weak, & sickly...
Come at me, Jedi!  Hit me with your best shot!
(beat)
Ha!  You can't defeat me!
Even your old masters could never beat me!
(cackles evilly) You're such a pathetic fool!
Prepare for the dawning of a new age...
The Palpatinian Age...
Year One!

CHORUS OF STORMTROOPERS (chanting through the remainder of the song):
Bring on the darkness, bring on the doom,
We are the army of death & gloom!
Bring on the darkness, bring on the doom,
We are the army of death & gloom!

PALPATINE:
Only one will be revered,
Worshiped, hated, loved, & feared!
I'd just like to say a few words:
I, me, MINE!!!

You were mistaken if you believed
That Sheev was someone who'd crumble & leave...
Now, I am back, & I will be staying this time!

I told you once!
I told you twice!
Everything you see before you...
Every last bit of it will...
Be...
Mine!

(chuckles darkly)