(At a meeting of the League Of Villains)
MOUSES: Might I remind you that I run the show here? I demand a little respect.
(One of the thugs tries to argue with him.)
MOUSES: SILENCE!!! I will not tolerate your insolence!
ABRAHAM SIMPSON: Basil...be careful.
(During a LOV meeting)
MOUSES: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Basil Of Baker Street. And why is that, ladies & gentlemice?
AGENT 001: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, & you're a bloody nitwit?
(During the LOV meeting scenes, after Mouses announces one of his plans to kill 'Basil Powers' &/or the Baker Street Family, comes up with an idea to take over Mouse London, or launches some other kind of evil scheme.)
MOUSES (laughing evilly): Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha....Ha-ha-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
THUGS (joining in the laughter, which becomes more wicked & maniacal): HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
(The laughter continues, getting louder & more villainous by the second, until, after a while, the laughter begins to subside & everyone starts mumbling & acting awkwardly. An uncomfortable pause follows as the thugs look around the room, not knowing what to do with themselves.)
MOUSES: (makes some kind of sheepish excuse & walks off)
THUGS: (ad-lib words of agreement & suchnot as they part & begin exiting the meeting hall, awkwardly closing the LOV meeting scenes)
(While speaking to a character at one part of the chapter)
RATIGAN: Not to make a short story long, or to ramble on & on, or to keep talking in a repetitive manner ad infinitum until it becomes impossible to remember what I was talking about in the first place, but--wait a minute! Now, where was I earlier?
(Opening line for the chapter, as he & the thugs hold their first meeting)
MOUSES: Gentlemice--& ladies--are we all here? Good. (takes a sip of champagne, & continues) As you know, my ongoing plot to destroy the Baker Street Family & fill the mouse world with vice & wickedness has failed...again. This organization will NOT tolerate failure.
(While taking photos)
ANDREW (in a fake English accent): All right, luv! Love it! Smashing! Good, baby, good...Yes! Yes! YES! (ad lib, goes on with similar dialogue & such...& when he's finally finished, he stops) And...done! I'm spent!
(When Eliza knocks out a "woman" at some place)
SALLY: Young lady, explain to me why you just struck out at that poor woman for no reason!
ELIZA: That's not a woman! It's a man, man! (rips off the "lady's" wig & the rest of her disguise to reveal one of Mouses Fiennes' male thugs)
(After Mouses kills one of the random thugs at the first LOV meeting by feeding him to Felicia)
MOUSES: Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will NOT tolerate failure.
(While making one last introduction for his new batch of thugs at the first LOV meeting)
MOUSES: Finally, I am pleased to introduce to you my Number 1 mouse. His name? Agent 001.
(While discussing ideas for their "ultimate" scheme during one of their LOV meetings)
MOUSES: Gentlemice...after days of ceaseless plotting & pondering, I am pleased to announce that I finally have a plan. It's called--in the simplest of terms--blackmail. The Royal Mouse Family of England are the richest & most affluent landowners in the whole rodential world. Now, either the Royal Mouse Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money...or we make it look like Crown Prince William, the heir to the mouse throne, was responsible for the murders of over 15 prostitutes.
(There is an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Then...)
EUNICE: Um...Crown Prince William was interrogated by the police several years ago, shortly after the last of those murders occured, but he was found to be innocent after all. Turns out he had been wrongfully accused by a disgruntled painter from Germany--Fred Sickert, I believe his name was. Anyway, your story wouldn't work, Mouses, because nobody would even buy it; it's just too far-fetched.
MOUSES (irritated): Rodents have to tell me these things! My brain cells are starting to deteriorate with age. Throw me a bone here, blast it! (takes a moment to calm down) All right...No problem. Here's my second idea. I will have Dr. Heinrich Fremdeliebe create a giant atomic bomb that, when deployed, will release enough nuclear energy to destroy the mouse world! That is, of course, unless the mouse world pays us a VERY hefty ransom.
(Another uncomfortable silence follows.)
GUNSMOKE GARY: Um, Mouses...what would we do with the money if the entire mouse world was destroyed--& we happened to be destroyed along with it? Get what I'm saying?
(Long pause. Mouses considers Gary's words.)
MOUSES (now getting more irritated than before): Oh, screw it! Let's just do what we always do--destroy the Baker Street Family & fill the mouse world with vice & wickedness.
THUGS (in unison): But HOW?
MOUSES (putting up a paw to shush his thugs, crossly): LET ME THINK! (glares askance & scratches his chin in thought, before crying out in enlightenment as he snaps his fingers) A-HA! I finally have a decent plan! We'll send a squad of fighter planes to fly over Mouse London in an air-raid & launch tear-gas bombs! During the ensuing chaos that will follow after the bombs detonate, we kidnap the Baker Street Family & bring them to our hideout, where we shall hold them ransom until the mouse world pays us...(dramatic pause)...ONE MILLION POUNDS!!!
(Uncomfortable silence again.)
TERRY: Um...maybe we could go a little higher than that, Mouses? (cracks a nervous, toothy grin)
MOUSES: For once, Terry, I agree with you. Very well, then...we shall hold the Baker Street Family ransom for...(dramatic pause)...FIVE MILLION POUNDS!!!
(Uncomfortable silence again.)
MOUSES (cutting him off): Don't say anything else, Farrell. ONE-HUNDRED BILLION POUNDS!
(The thugs are bursting into wild applause now! Mouses is basking smugly in all the praise & cheering...but his face soon falls when it subsides.)
MOUSES (not pleased at the silence): Why did you stop applauding? Have you found ANOTHER flaw in my plan?
WALKER (squirming nervously & looking shamefully at Mouses): Well, it's not so much a discovery of a flaw...as it is a QUESTION...
MOUSES: Which would be...?
WALKER (after a short, squeamish pause): Where, exactly, are we gonna get all that money?
MOUSES (smiling evilly): I already told you, Walker: from all the countries & cities of the rodent world. Their citizens will be glad to send every last cent of their money to us, as I'm sure that they'd love to see their precious Basil Of Baker Street & his family spared from harm...assuming we don't kill them after we've received our ransom...
EUNICE (returning the evil smile, as the other thugs do the same): Though I think it would be in the best interest of the League Of Villains if we finally put an end to the lives of those measly do-gooders once & for all!
(Mouses, Eunice, & the other thugs begin to laugh evilly. They cackle with increasing intensity, before finally calming down after a while. They're starting to look a little awkward.)
MOUSES (after a pause, cheerily): So...shall we get down to making our first set of plans for "Operation Final Conquest"?
THUGS: Yes, let's. (they sit down at the meeting table again, & as they start talking over their "first set of plans", we switch back to Lower 221B Baker Street)
BASIL: I like to live dangerously.
(During one meeting, as the story starts to heat up)
MOUSES: Gentlemice, Phase One of our plan is now complete! Our squad of tear-gas planes are now prepared to perform the air-raid on Mouse London!
(The thugs applaud & cheer.)
MOUSES: Let Phase Two begin! Patch us through to Queen Mousetoria's Royal Council Hall.
(At their council hall near Buckingham Palace, Queen Mousetoria, her three children, her prime minister Archibald Jamison, her ladies-in-waiting Josie & Jenny, her chamberlain Eustace, & the members of her council [including Elizabella Holmesington] have gathered for a meeting of their own. On the large video screen that hangs upon one of the walls in the room, the image of Mouses Fiennes appears.)
MOUSES (speaking to the council via the video feed): Ladies & gentlemice...I'm sure you all know who I am. But in case there's any of you who don't, allow me to introduce myself: my name is Mouses Fiennes. In a couple of hours, I will send a squad of airplanes to fly over Mouse London & release tear-gas upon the city; this will occur every afternoon at precisely 4:00 PM, & the attacks will not stop until I am satisfied that my demands have been met...Oh, yes, of course, my demands. (clears throat & continues speaking) At the same time, I will kidnap the Baker Street Family, bring them to my lair, & hold them for ransom. They will not be released until you pay me...(dramatic pause)...ONE-HUNDRED BILLION POUNDS!!!
(The members of the council hall begin to clamor excitedly amongst themselves. When things quiet down, Eustace turns to face Mouses with a nervous grin.)
EUSTACE: Umm...Mouses...100 billion pounds is an awful lot of money...
QUEEN MOUSETORIA (admonishing him): Eustace, please! (turns to face Mouses with a stern glare) We at the Mouse Parliament have a strict regulation about not negotiating with terrorists.
MOUSES: Did I mention, Your Majesty, that until my demands are met, the city WILL be attacked with DAILY air-raids & the subsequent launch of tear-gas bombs? No? How about the part where I kidnap the Baker Street Family & hold them for ransom? If I were you, Your Majesty, I would try to get 100 billion pounds as soon as possible, because I wouldn't want to see the Baker Street Family murdered at the hands of a villain. (grins evilly)
ELIZABELLA (pleading, desperately): Mouses, please, there must be another way we can settle this issue!
MOUSES: I don't think so, Ms. Holmesington. Ladies & gentlemice, you have five days to come up with one-hundred billion pounds. If you fail to do so before the time limit has expired or otherwise fail to follow the orders you've been given, we'll set off another air-raid, during which we will not only launch tear-gas...but also atomic bombs--courtesy of Dr. Heinrich Fremdeliebe--that will destroy the mouse world!!! (laughs evilly, then stops abruptly) This is Mouses Fiennes, signing off. (the screen goes black)
(Back at the lair.)
MOUSES (turning to his thugs with a wicked smile): My minions...in exactly five days from now, we will not only be one-hundred billion pounds richer...but Mouse London will fall under our glorious Reign Of Terror, & the Baker Street Family will no longer be able to stop us from committing crimes & spreading evil across the mouse world! (starts laughing evilly) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha....Ha-ha-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
THUGS (joining in the laughter, which becomes more wicked & maniacal): HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
(The laughter continues, getting louder & more villainous by the second, until, after a while, the laughter begins to subside & everyone starts mumbling & acting awkwardly. The thugs look around the meeting hall, not knowing what to do with themselves, & there is an uncomfortable pause, because at this point, we clearly should have switched scenes.)
MOUSES (sheepishly, pulling at his white collar): Well...(clears his throat)...I think I'll go to my library & read some books. (walks off)
THUGS (just as sheepishly, as they part & begin exiting the meeting hall): Sure, OK...Very well...Of course... (ad lib)
(In one scene, while 'Basil Powers' & the B.S.F. are trying to sneak into the super-secret entrance to Mouses Fiennes' hideout at the headquarters for "Cognitus Enterprises", disguised as some of the employees there.)
MRS. JUDSON (looking at the ID tags they stole): Oh, good heavens, this isn't going to work! We don't look anything like our photo badges!
RATIGAN: No worries, Mrs. Judson; I still have a bit of my mind-control superpower left over. (winks, then goes up to the "security guard" at the entrance of the building, as the others follow him)
"GUARD": Hello, old chaps. You're entering a restricted area. Can I please see your security badges?
RATIGAN (digging into his pocket & taking his out, as the others do the same): Of course, my good mouse.
(The B.S.F. offer the tags to the "guard", who inspects them in his paws. Ratigan's eyes "glaze over" in a blank stare, & he holds up his gloved hand, slowly waving it about in the air.)
"GUARD" (seeing the descrepancies between the badge photos & their "owners"): Hey, wait a second...(he looks up at Ratigan & becomes hypnotized upon seeing his waving paw & his blank stare.)
RATIGAN (hypnotist-like): Everything appears to be in order.
"GUARD" (in a trance): Everything appears to be in order.
RATIGAN (hypnotist-like): I don't need to see your identification.
"GUARD" (in a trance, handing the badges back to the B.S.F.): I don't need to see your identification.
RATIGAN (hypnotist-like): You can go about your business.
"GUARD" (in a trance): You can go about your business.
RATIGAN (hypnotist-like): Move along now...
"GUARD" (in a trance): Move along now...
(The B.S.F. begins to creep into the Incognitus building, but Ratigan returns briefly to have a little more fun.)
RATIGAN (hypnotist-like): I've got an idea! Why don't I do a little song-&-dance routine, just for a lark?
"GUARD" (in a trance): I've got an idea! Why don't I do a little song-&-dance routine, just for a lark? (still hypnotized, he begins to sing as he does a "soft-shoe" dance) Give 'em the old razzle-dazzle / Razzle-dazzle 'em / Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it / And the reaction will be passionate / Give 'em the old hocus-pocus / Bead & feather 'em / How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
(Ratigan is clearly enjoying this, but Sally tugs him away by the ear into the building.)
SALLY (as she does so): Ratigan, come on! This is no time for listening to show-tunes!
(When the B.S.F. finally reaches Mouses)
BASIL: We meet again, Mouses Fiennes...
MOUSES: Welcome to my underground lair, Basil Powers. And you brought the Baker Street Family along with you...how lovely. I'd shake your hands, except for obvious reasons...Oh, never mind. As a fellow player on the international stage, Basil Powers, let me assure you that I'll greatly enjoy watching the curtain fall on the third & final act of you & your family's lives...signaling the approaching end of all the good & happy things that once blessed the city of Mouse London. The only reason I'm keeping you alive right now is so that you can feel the agony of watching my plan unfold, before I put you out of your misery & finally get rid of you & your loved ones once & for all.
(As 'Basil Powers' & the B.S.F. [all tied up in straight-jackets & bound together with tight ropes] are being lowered on a crane-cable towards Felicia's open, awaiting jaws)
BASIL: Mouses, do you really expect us to let you get away with this?
MOUSES: (cackles evilly) No, Mr. Basil--& family--I expect you to DIE!
(Upon preparing to get rid of the B.S.F. "once & for all")
MOUSES: Release the cat!
(Felicia appears into the main chambers of the sewer lair & opens her mouth wide as the B.S.F. [all tied up in straight-jackets & bound together with tight ropes] is lowered closer & closer towards her via a crane-cable)
MOUSES (taking absolute glee as he watches his enemies approaching Felicia): I figure every creature deserves a nice, warm, fresh meal...
EUNICE (clearing her throat nervously as she sees Ratigan struggling to get out of the straight-jacket): ...Um, Mouses...
MOUSES: Yes, what is it, Eunice? You're interrupting my moment of triumph.
(After winding up in a dance club full of partying teenagers)
BASIL: Hello, hello!
ONE OF THE TEENAGERS (smiling upon recognizing him, as she dances with some of her friends): Hello, Mr. Basil! Care to have a little fun?
BASIL: Terribly sorry, but not right now. I have to save the mouse world! (exits)
MOUSES: I have so few pleasures left to me, Agent 001. The key to life is to rotate your vices. One day, it's executions, & another day, it's creamy French cheese.
(When the micefolk of London jubilate over Mouses' defeat & the B.S.F.'s triumph at the end of the chapter)
ABRAHAM (cheering): Basil Powers did it! He saved the mouse world! (calming down) Of course, I knew he would.